Everyone knows the feeling of living up to your own expectations (getting that job you wanted when you grew up, getting a raise after working 40+ hours a week, being married, having a family, maybe even getting that gig at the concert hall with the new band you just started, etc.). And everyone knows the feeling of NOT living up to your own expectations (failing to make that deadline, not getting straight A’s, not getting that job, letting your friends or family down, or not reaching your goal at the gym that you made for your New Years resolution, etc.).
The feelings of expectations for ones self, manage to reach both ends of the spectrum of emotion. From extreme happiness and praise, to absolute frustration or anger. Expectations can be a rollercoaster of emotion. But the expectations that people face everyday and are usually the ones that end up giving us the fastest rollercoaster ride are the expectations that we encounter that other people have for us. I am not talking about the expectations that our parents all may have had for us once upon a time, to get through school, learn to ride a bike, get a job, and a family or so on. I am not talking about the expectations that we have for ourselves day to day, to pay our bills or be a better person or finish that project. I am talking about the expectations that people have for us and our own self image.
Some IDEAL expectations people may have for others that I have noticed (for the purpose of this example, we shall use “X” as a term used for the individual):
“Oh, X just went through a divorce, they seem miserable, or unhappy.”
“I met X once and they were absolutely rude to me, I wouldn’t want to talk to that person again if I see them.”
“I heard that X slept with so and so last year at the Christmas party. What a horrible person!”
“X never seems happy.”
I’m sure the list can go on and on. I am also sure that sometimes there may be instances when this blog may not be applicable, but for a majority of the time, I’ve found expecations to be – well… read on. Its the truth, we all set expectations for others. For people we don’t know, for people we know well, and sometimes for people we don’t know much at all, but act as if we do knkow them. We set expectations for people’s actions or behaviors, on a daily basis. And you know what I mean… you’ve all had those moments, when you see someone walk down the same isle at a grocery store, and whisper to yourself, ‘Ughh, please don’t say HI, please don’t say HI… you were a jerk to me at last year’s work party, and I wouldn’t have anything nice to say to you!”
I have noticed, that looking beyond my own “expectations” for other people is one of the hardest challenges that I have had to face. I’m guilty of it. Of knowing that X has been said to be the biggest know it all and always acts better than you, or that X just got pregnant by so and so and they aren’t married so… or that maybe even a person I consider a friend said something rude to me one time, so I have just the worst of words to use to that person. I have seen someone walk by me I know, and stories fill my mind of how they talked about this person behind their back, or did this with so and so or whatever. Its like I talk to myself about other people when they step into a room and I create this image of them in my mind, that may or may not be true. All it ever seems to be is my opinion, because who am I to pass judgement on someone else? Well, the list can go on and on, and I am as guilty as anyone else of this. We all do it, without really paying much attention sometimes. It seems to be our nature, as we are creatures of habit. But the more I think about it, if I find myself challenged to have mercy on others and not look at them with my own expectations for them. Its a struggle, but the Bible says, in Galatians 5:13-15 (NCV),”My brothers and sisters. God called you to be free, but do not use your freedom as an excuse to do what pleases your sinful self. Serve each other with love. The whole law is made complete in this one command; “Love your neighbor as you love yourself.” If you go on hurting each other and tearing each other apart, be careful, or you will completely destroy each other.”
If you read in Ephesians 4:17-32 – there are a few good points I’ll make note on. “In the Lord’s name, I tell you this. Do not continue living like those who do not believe. Their thoughts are worth nothing. They do not understand, and they know nothing, because they refuse to listen.” “You were taught to leave your old self – to stop living the evil way you lived before. That old self becomes worse, because people are fooled by evil things they want to do.
I suppose I’m not entirely sure how to end this blog, but I do know that it seems easier to fail expectations, than it is to overcome them. Perhaps I should start thinking the other way around, and allowing myself the chance to turn expectations into a word of hope and love and faith. I will continue to work on not allowing myself to create negative expectations for people in my mind, and not to pass judgment.
